The mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship is a true proverb. Of course, there are happy exceptions, but there’s no denying that the couple’s relationship is initially full of drama. Building them is not easy – sometimes to find the “key” to the mother of his chosen one is much more difficult than patiently, quietly, over several years, dragged down the aisle of the future happy husband. The situation is complicated by the fact that it must be done at the same time, otherwise you risk losing the “long-awaited catch” – as experience shows, do not underestimate the influence of the mother, even on the adult son.
To begin with, make it clear to yourself that the mother-in-law is a necessary adjunct to the marriage, forgetting about her or “displacing” her is probably not going to work, so try to resolve the issue peacefully. However, the devil is not as frightening as a cow on ice – if you do everything right, everything will be fine.
Step 1. You will never get a second chance to make a first impression. Getting to know your parents is an important step in the relationship, try to make the most of it. Show up as a sweet, humble, caring girl – a worthy successor to the “passing prize”. Admire the table, ask for a recipe – act as if you’ve never tasted anything sweeter than a carrot. Avoid the pitfalls – don’t talk about politics and religion, but rather ask what your chosen one was like as a child. Avoid outright flattery – in-laws can sense a liar a mile off.
Step 2. Approach. How do we do that? If all goes well, this woman will be part of your family, so you’ll still need to build a relationship. Say hello, wish her happy holidays, give her little mementos and don’t forget to praise her son. Never complain about the relationship or try to convince your mother-in-law to take your side – most mothers remain mothers, not mothers-in-law, even if their beloved child is doing outrageous things. Be prepared for checks – any mother-in-law will be secretly or obviously “probing” you, examining the degree of your culinary talent, competence in matters of housekeeping and child-rearing. Try not to be sly – long lie all the same will not work, but do not be too sharp, after all, mother-in-law is also understandable – she cares about the welfare of her beloved son.
Step 3. Prove yourself – stick to it. Don’t relax if the rapprochement with your chosen one’s mother went well – don’t you know that relationships are fragile and unstable? Continue to take an interest in her health, call on any occasion and without it. Show your concern, advise her on various issues, involve her in family problems – leave the children with your mother-in-law, order her pies for celebrations, etc. Don’t be afraid to show that you also have your own opinion and that in most cases (such as in the upbringing of your children) it is decisive and your mother-in-law’s voice is advisory, but don’t be aggressive and irritable – a desire to help always and in any case deserves sincere gratitude.
Do not despair or give up if the relationship with your mother-in-law is extremely strained. Most situations can be resolved if you put in enough effort.