A Father’s Mission

To Future Moms

Every pregnant woman dreams of being held in her arms, pampered with surprises, fed with healthy delicacies and simply worshiped throughout the nine months. In real life, however, this is a difficult time for men. 

1. The psychological state of the wife In the early stages of pregnancy a woman is often overcome by sleepiness, she quickly tires out. The body is preoccupied with the most important thing in the world and has no resources left for less urgent duties. Under the influence of “jumping” hormone levels, pregnant women cry over nothing, then they throw thunder and lightning. The husband is not allowed to say anything against her, because she is pregnant, it means she has an indulgence for any whims!

What to do: Just keep yourself in check. Trust me, when your hormones stop racing, you’ll look back on what seems so outrageous today with a smile and shrug: Why did you get so upset? What you should not tell your husband: all that swirls on your tongue in a moment of extreme irritation! 

2. Obvious changes

Yes, yes. Pregnant women often pester their husbands with questions like, ‘I’m fat, aren’t I? Clumsy? Unattractive?” Of course, all they want to hear is that they remain the standard of beauty to their men. In fact, sometimes husbands really do fear that their wife’s bloated figure is forever. 

Women complain to their husbands that they do not have to carry extra weight, they do not have to run to the bathroom every minute and do not suffer from morning sickness. And besides, they don’t have to give birth! This, of course, is a trump card, there’s nothing for your husband to answer.

Pregnancy is a normal (physiological) state for a woman and her hardships will eventually be forgotten. You should not be guided by the principle: “If I feel bad, let everyone else feel bad too”. 

What to do: Calm your husband, tell him that after the birth of a child you will try to quickly return to normal, and then all 9 months he will be more willing to praise your shining eyes and … your peculiar gait. 

What you shouldn’t tell your husband: “I know, I got ugly and ugly.” There’s no need to convince your man of that! You are beautiful, don’t doubt it, and don’t let him ever doubt it.

3 Personal worries Pregnant women are often worried about their baby’s health. They anxiously listen to his movements and shiver in their knees afraid of literally everything in the world: from possible birth defects in the baby to labor pain. All these horrors mommy often tells the husband, which is supposed to remain steadfast and calm. But the man may be tormented by the same fears! 

You are walking on the ice, and he worries about you and the baby at work. What if you go into labor and he himself will have to deliver? Anxiety is exacerbated by the knowledge of his own helplessness, and men can not stand it. Even her husband seriously wonders if he will be a good dad, it’s also cause for reflection and anxiety. 

What to do: Don’t be offended that your husband is not willing to spend hours discussing possible risks with you. There is a difference between men and women in the emotional and rational sphere: a woman calms down by discussing the problem, while from a man’s point of view, you need to set a task and start solving it immediately – then everything will be fine. 

What you shouldn’t say to your husband: “I’m freaking out and you don’t care”. No, it’s not, it’s just that most men aren’t accustomed to sharing their emotions.

4. What’s next? 

Everyone is wary of waiting for change. But when the baby is born, your life will change once and for all. Will your husband have time to see his friends? Will he be able to, as it is now, to sit up nights on the computer? 

What to do: Do not get ahead of the game. Remember the proverb: “Eyes are afraid, but hands are doing”. The birth of a child is bliss, and all the trouble it brings is bliss too, trust me! What you shouldn’t say to your husband: “Are you watching TV? Look, look, the baby will be born and you won’t have any football, you’ll be ironing nappies and walking with a pram!” Most likely, the husband himself will forget about the football game, when he will proudly roll in front of him the crew with a crumb. So there’s no need to turn your husband against the baby beforehand.

5. Money matters The wife is about to go on maternity leave, which means that her earnings will be deducted from the family budget. And the costs keep multiplying: the baby’s dowry, pram, cot, bottles, plus the wife is convinced of the urgent need for repairs, and the delivery is likely to have to be paid for. There is a crisis, wages can be delayed, and can reduce the workplace … How can you not grab your head! 

What to do: Think carefully about what really needs to be done, and what is your whim. Is it rational to start repairing now? On the old wallpaper kid, growing up, can safely draw, and for the new you will be offended. Suppose that friends bought a cot and cradle, but the cradle will be useful to you only in the first months of life of a baby, and, therefore, without it we can do. Or maybe your friends left some pretty good clothes, of which their offspring grew up too quickly, and the dowry, too, can save a little. What you shouldn’t tell your husband: “The Petrovs have called a designer and ordered a unique furniture for the nursery, and you can not even for his first-born who can not make up!”

6. Sometimes the gynaecologist forbids sexual intercourse with a pregnant woman. Of course, the birth of a healthy baby is worth some self-sacrifice, but it is clear that such news will hardly make a man happy.

 What to do: Both the expectant mother and the father-to-be must remember that you have an important reason for abstinence. 

Don’t forget the gentle and affectionate words and stroking. What you shouldn’t say to your husband: “I have other priorities at the moment”. Do not confront your future child and your spouse in any way.

To Future Dads

Mothers also have their own (female) logic, often unknown to their halves. What are their concerns? 

1. Attention All your spouse needs now is your involvement and support. Try to make the prenatal period of your baby’s development as easy and light as possible. Try to spend more time with your wife and listen to her. 

What you shouldn’t tell your wife: “I have football (work) and here you are…”. Pregnant women and women in labour can be resentful and vindictive. Try not to make mistakes so that you don’t have to be rebuked for the rest of your life! 


What to do: Do not necessarily flood your spouse with flowers (many pregnant women are hypersensitive and may become allergic to their scent) or rush to buy exotic products. Most expectant mothers do not need this. But carry bags, help move furniture, if necessary, visit the doctor. 

3. Support

A mother-to-be needs to take care of her health and go to the antenatal clinic regularly. Going to the doctor alone in the last months of pregnancy is a little bit too much excitement and strain. The support of your husband is much needed! What to do: If you cannot go to the doctor with your wife, at least send her an SMS, call her and ask about the latest visit. 

4. Talking to your belly

 It is often difficult for a man to show the emotions he is really feeling because it is generally accepted that men do not cry. It is proven that a son or daughter in your belly can already hear you and feel your tenderness. Mum’s voice in the ear of the baby all day, and Dad probably working and can devote this communication until not too much time. You don’t need much time. Just put your palm on his wife’s tummy and say, “Hi, baby, we love you. Such daily dialogues will be enough to make him recognize your voice after the baby is born and rejoice with you, “Here’s another one of my own! Hi, Daddy!” 

What to do: Practice and try to loosen that ‘line of defense’. Talking to your tummy is essential. Both mum and baby need it. What you shouldn’t tell your wife: “It’s silly to talk to a tummy that hasn’t rounded yet, because the baby doesn’t understand anything yet”. 5. A healthy diet A healthy diet is a must for both the mother-to-be and her baby.

5. Healthy eating 

A healthy diet is essential for both the mother-to-be and her baby. What to do: Your spouse will be very happy if you voluntarily agree to follow healthy eating habits with her. Among them – remove or reduce alcohol consumption and, of course, stop or reduce smoking, especially in her presence.

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Author: Susan Grundy

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