The first year with a baby for one mother can be a blessing, and for another – an ordeal. Why does this happen and how can you cope with the stress?
Stress after childbirth and feeling close to a nervous breakdown or depression is largely provoked by our expectations of ourselves. Try to deal with this, and then it turns out that you have a wonderful, happy baby. After all, you – a really great mom!
The main reason, according to psychologists who work with such problems, in most cases, is not what mom does. Much more important is how she views herself in the role of a mother.
Exaggerated or inadequate expectations of herself, a sense of failure, confidence in the negative attitude of people around her – that actually leads to stressful states more than the real problems of the baby. Let’s try to figure out the 3 main difficulties that sound in a mom’s head and prevent her from fully enjoying motherhood.
I CANNOT cope. Under this “common” motto, which moms most often apply to a psychologist, there may be a variety of ideas. Someone is referring to the inability to do what mom thinks is necessary. For example, to keep order at home, take care of the baby, do a little work and study, keep in mind and on time to do a bunch of things from paying bills to congratulating relatives on their birthday …
The real problem overrated demands on themselves. What to do. Write down everything-everything you should have done during the day. On a separate sheet of paper, write down in detail everything you did in reality. Do not be modest: indicate that, for example, you warm baby food 5 times, 6 times he changed clothes twice, bathed. In general, every detail. Compare both lists. Highlight what you had not planned, but did. For example, I did not think to put in a plan for “little things” like washing a child six times, or cleaning the kitchen after he sprinkled all over the porridge. That’s the point: you actually do more than you planned: the baby is always throwing you surprises, it’s normal. It’s not that you’re “failing,” it’s that you’re underestimating your real workload and blaming yourself.
Positive Attitude. Being a mother of a young child means a lot of dependence on her changing condition and needs. It is a serious burden and an enormous expenditure of time and energy. You have the right to cancel or postpone anything – and it’s not a “failure”, it’s the normal course of things for this period of your life.
“I don’t know what he wants.” Usually this thought is a concern for moms of anxious babies who cry quite often. It may feel like she’s not meeting her baby’s needs, so she feels like a “bad mother. The real problem: You have a restless baby. What to do? Recognize that there are babies who need extra help to adjust to the world. If the baby has problems related to feeding (regurgitates often, throws the breast, suffers from colic) – the problem should be solved with a pediatrician. If the baby cries a lot for no apparent reason, take him to a good neurologist. Positive attitude There are more and less calm children – this realization in itself is already important and constructive. Your child’s anxiety is not your fault or your misunderstanding. You just need to figure out how you can help him. Your calm – the very first help yourself, and rational action – the second
“I do not love my child.” This thought women rarely say out loud, but very often think to myself in moments of despair. It’s everything: a yearning for all the various joys of childlessness, and a sense of failure in your new role as a mother, high expectations of permanent maternal happiness. The real problem: You have accumulated a critical mass of negative emotions and chronic fatigue. What to do? You do not need to look for salvation in this thought. You kind of punish yourself with it – because what could be worse for the mother? However, you also ther” who is failing. Don’t demand joyful emotions from yourself. Find opportunities to switch and relax – ask family or friends to help you do this. Consult a psychologist and a therapist so that they can objectively assess your state of health. It is possible that you need help to come to your senses after the “hormonal spurt.
Positive attitude. “I love my baby the way it works now.” These emotions and feelings are not concrete; they are fickle. We will have many more years to build our relationship that is unique and unlike anyone else’s. And that’s a value we hold dear.
