Family conflicts are common and customary, not for nothing, there is even a popular saying that a noble quarrel is only a misfortune. However, they are not always amused, and sometimes the reasons for conflicts are quite compelling, and to tolerate it becomes difficult enough.
Conflicts in large numbers and in an unacceptable form can easily cause a total collapse of the relationship. So, if you and your spouse really love each other and are not going to give up, it is worth looking for a peaceful way out of this situation. Let’s talk about what to do if her husband is rude.
Why is my husband rude?
First of all, it is worth understanding why conflicts arise in which her husband believes it is possible to raise his voice at you. Psychologists reduce all situations to 3 basic scenarios.
He shouts because you do not hear him. The reason for the raise of his voice in most cases is simple as hell: your husband shouts at you because he thinks you can not hear him – literally and figuratively. In a conflict, it pays to look your partner in the eye, letting him know that you are all ears. Sometimes your deafness seems permanent to your partner – you can stare him in the eye all you want, but if you don’t change your behaviour at his request or explain why, all he can think of is that you didn’t hear him or even intend to, and that’s pretty infuriating.
He screams to wake you up. Any emotional outburst refreshes the relationship, so if your spouse suddenly starts screaming out of the blue, you should think – maybe he was afraid of the quiet regularity of your relationship and this is the only way he can “get you out of the shell. Have a romantic dinner, spontaneous sex, make him jealous of a passing beauty – demonstrate that both you and your feelings are alive.
He’s screaming because he’s weak. This situation is much more complicated than that. Weak personalities are usually very acute about this deficiency and it takes certain circumstances – such as a confrontation at work or a conflict with his wife – for them to feel empowered. If the problem is temporary and you know what it is about, try to calm your spouse down on your own, but if it is much more serious, you will need to consult a marriage counsellor.
However, sometimes it happens that a person is simply not trained to behave appropriately in conflict and therefore behaves in a destructive way. In this case, you will need to develop your own family conflict resolution rules.
Choose the right place. Let this be the yard or balcony, but by no means the bedroom or the kitchen – you should get only positive emotions here.
Make it a rule to reduce the emotional background before the conversation. Not everyone can deal effectively with conflicts “hot on their heels”. Most people are better off calming down and thinking things through first.
Do not interrupt each other. Let your partner speak, do not interrupt him or her with caustic remarks and angry jokes – all this only heats up the atmosphere, turning the conflict into a snowball, which can easily “bury” your relationship.
Don’t resort to special effects. The word is your only weapon in this war. Do not “amplify” it by breaking dishes or hitting the wall, much less using physical force against your partner, this can end very badly.
Write letters in small handwriting. In particularly acute situations it is worth trying to get by with the epistolary genre – written and written will reach you faster than the spoken word, and look less offensive.
Take care of your relationship and remember that sometimes you just don’t want to hug someone you’ve forgiven…
