Pregnancy changes the whole life of the family in the most radical way, and dad’s life, too. One stage comes to an end and another begins. Ahead is almost terra incognita, an unknown land where everything is new and unexplored: the responsibilities, daily routine, status, goals; in a word – everything. Any, even the most courageous and brave father would be uncomfortable. Although everyone’s fears are different, of course. 1 Not knowing Pregnancy and childbirth is one of the most
Pregnancy changes the whole life of the family in the most radical way, and Dad’s life, too. One stage ends and another begins. Ahead is almost terra incognita, an unknown land where everything is new, unexplored: responsibilities, daily routine, status, goals, objectives … In a word – everything. Any, even the most courageous and brave father would be uncomfortable. Although everyone’s fears are different, of course.
1 The Uncertainty
Pregnancy and childbirth is one of the most unfathomable and surprising events in a family’s life. And even now, in our 21st century, it is often impossible to predict exactly when it will happen and how it will go. Will you have to resort to anesthesia, make a cesarean section? The father-to-be is worried about the life and health of his beloved and the unborn child, and realizes that he can do nothing, or almost nothing, to help (unless, of course, he is a certified obstetrician-gynecologist). And the inability to fully control the situation is a very uncomfortable state for most men. Share these grave concerns often have no one. After all, do not dump their fears on their parents, friends or – worse – to his wife. That’s just what she didn’t need right now. She would cope with their own anxieties. And the father-to-be is left alone with this fear.
What to do?
The situation can be complicated by the constant stories of his wife about how difficult it will be during childbirth. Perhaps behind these unsportsmanlike methods of influence hides a veiled request for support. After all, your reticence may seem indifferent to expectant mothers. Most likely, she just misses your attention. Do not be angry in response, and better try to take control of the situation as far as possible. Read special literature, go with your wife to courses for expectant parents, consider and discuss the possibility of a partner (joint) birth. This will help you not only your wife but also yourself. Under the pressure of your determination, the fear will surely recede.
2 Changing Status
A family without children and a family with children are completely different “units of society. Everyone probably understands this. It is one thing to have a wife-girlfriend with whom you can go to a disco, the mountains or the North Pole. And quite another – the mother of the family. And the father somehow no longer has the status just to have fun. And then people around you say: “Now everything will be different… You are a future father… When the child is born…”. This will make anyone feel uncomfortable.
What to do?
Do not scare yourself in advance. Most of the time it’s not hard to adapt. A friend, the father of a wonderful five-year-old boy once told me about a funny story. When he and his wife just became parents, he overheard a conversation between two dads. Those passionately talking about brands of diapers. Our friend later chuckled, “I thought, ‘What a nightmare! They’re men!” And now I myself can discuss any baby products for a long time and with pleasure.”
3 Ahead of Infinity
A baby is forever. Especially in our country, where it is customary for dads and moms to be actively involved in the lives of children, even if those children themselves are long-time parents. This means that consoling yourself with the idea that you only have to “wait” for five or ten years will not work. Yes, the child will grow up and sleep better, but sleep deprivation will be replaced by other problems. And if you remember pearls of folk wisdom from the series “Little kids do not give to sleep, from large ones do not fall asleep” or “Little kids – little trouble,” then you will be scared …
What to do?
Do not console yourself with the proverbial glass of water, which some day the children will pay for all that you will do for them for many years. Such consolation does little good. Just trust me: children manage to capture our hearts so quickly that soon after they’re born you’ll be surprised to find that the word “forever” no longer seems scary, and the pleasure of companionship eclipses the difficulties.
4 “Deprivation of Liberty.”
This fear is especially peculiar to those fathers who are very young or find themselves in the role of a future dad quite unexpectedly. It seems that he just became independent of parents (graduated from college, began to live for his own pleasure) … Many are afraid that they will “lose their freedom,” or comfort themselves that everything will remain as before.
What to do?
Don’t count on grandparents to help with everything. Life often makes adjustments to the rosy plans. But that shouldn’t scare you. Look at the families with children who can cope with everything and do not look like draught animals. And you’re sure to do just fine, too!
5 Not the Center of the Universe
Thinking that they won’t be the center of the universe for the people they love now is one of the most common fears of dads-to-be. After all, it’s so great to know that you’re the one who has your wife’s every thought on your mind. And this fear is one of the most legitimate. Indeed, the maternal instinct in women is often so strong that the child outshines literally the whole world. And if you add postpartum depression, the man really do not envy.
What to do?
Remember that a happy rival or rival is your own child. And now next to you is another loving person who will look at you adoringly, waiting with anticipation. The main recipe in this case – love, care and condescension. Do not wait for your wife to “wake up” and become her old self again. Instead of being offended, sulk and feel deprived, try to be at home more often and participate in the care of the baby. And then there will not be the wrong, skewed model, in which there is a mom and child and there is – himself – the father. And one day you will feel that being the center of the universe is not so necessary to complete happiness.
6 What if I don’t love you?
Deep down, you suspect that you don’t like kids too much. Noisy toddlers have always annoyed you and even scared you a little. And now you are a little uncomfortable with the fact that soon will be born your own child, which “can not hide, can not hide. And what if the relationship does not add up, there will be neither love nor friendship?
What to do?
If you pay attention to your child from the first days, this fear will be in vain. Children readily and very quickly respond to care and love. Before you know it, the baby will be smiling at you, reaching out to meet you. And then it’s not far and joyful stomping and shouting of joy: “Daddy’s here! The main thing – do not wait until the baby grows up. After all, you can communicate with the tiniest baby.
7 Not enough time
Surprisingly, almost all men fear not having time to take their wives to the hospital or to be late for the “X” hour if they want to be present at the birth. In small towns or in rural areas, because the maternity hospital is far away. In large cities, because of traffic jams.
What to do?
Such fears poisoned my husband’s life, too. But our friend, a mother of many children, reassured him by saying, “Most women give birth at night or early in the morning. So don’t worry, you’ll make it in time. I do not know what the statistics say in this regard, and whether it is true, but the words of a friend of my husband reassured me once and for all. But seriously, just remember that births are not often fast (six hours or less) or fast (four hours or less). And almost everyone who wants their babies to be born under the care of specialists makes it to the maternity hospital in time. In an extreme case, if this fear is too compulsive and thoroughly disrupts your life, you can arrange for your wife to be admitted to the hospital a little earlier than the estimated delivery date.
8 Expensive Pleasure
Until recently, your wife was not working as hard as you, but she was contributing to the household income. Now her contribution has decreased, and a new family member is on the way. And the money for the baby, according to rumors, it takes a lot of money. Yes, and range, prices in children’s stores plunged into shock and awe. And we need to re-equip the bedroom, buy a crib, stroller, bathtub and car seat …
What to do?
Rumors about how expensive it is for a family to have a new member are greatly exaggerated. Yes, stores offer a huge selection, and inexperienced expectant moms and dads can think that everything on the shelves there is just vital. Talk to more experienced parents, and you’ll see that the list of dowries is not so great. So don’t be nervous – a child is “affordable” for most families.
Wise Moms to Note
Dear expectant mothers! We are not the only ones who get nervous waiting for the amazing miracle – the birth of a child. Let’s try to figure out what the future dads feel, and help them to survive these nine months, and worthy to join the new life. After all, if pregnancy is not a game on each other’s nerves, and a period of special attention, care and love, the birth of a baby will only strengthen the relationship between parents and become one of the best periods in family life.