Alas, it is not always possible to preserve love and respect, even in a legal marriage. Everything that happens between spouses is bound to leave its mark. There is something to be proud of and something that arouses nothing but disdain and contempt. The good emotions pile up into one cup, the bad into another. The moment the cup is overflowing, it pours out on the couple’s heads – essentially, it’s your own fault for being up to your neck in… something unpleasant.
But no matter how bitter the resentment, you can’t just cut everything out of your life. First, there are lessons to be learned from everything, and secondly, it is always important to keep a human face. Your ex-husband will always be part of your destiny, and it is better to be on good terms with destiny.
How to build a good relationship with your ex-husband?
Many people think divorce is the end of life, but in fact it is the beginning of a new phase. For the future to be kind to you, you need to be able to make peace with your past. Maybe the marriage was a mistake and it would have been better to leave it, but what has been done cannot be undone. So it’s better to make things right with your ex-husband. For your own sake and, of course, for the sake of your child. But how to do it?
Psychologists recommend following a few simple recommendations.
Remember the good times. It does not happen that family life in all its stages consisted only of bad deeds and emotions. There was something that attracted you to this person, that made you smile happily in the morning and rush home from work… It doesn’t matter who is to blame for not saving that, what matters is that there was still a time in your life when you would have been happy with each other. For a start, remember that.
Be grateful for the past. One of the surest ways to get rid of a negative life program is to learn to be thankful for the lessons it teaches you. After all, your ex must have taught you something, broadened your horizons or simply provided you with the opportunity to develop some skills. In some cases, you may even be able to do without the irony – it will be more effective.
Forgive grudges. Holding grudges is not productive. You must learn from them and stop nurturing the things that hurt you. Remember that hurts of the soul often have the amazing ability to materialize into neuroses, functional disorders of the body and even more serious illnesses. Believe in the fact that everyone will be rewarded for their deeds, and provide yourself with a permanent retribution.
Look for the meaning. Every action has a motive, even if you cannot see it. Often we do not look for meaning in the acts of people who are unpleasant to us and confine ourselves to saying that they are stupid or wicked. The key to a peaceful relationship lies in understanding what they are doing. Ask your ex-husband to explain his motives or find them yourself, but try to be honest and benevolent.
Talk to the child. Many parents after a divorce use the child as leverage against the ex-partner, forgetting that the child has suffered the most in this situation. Many children feel guilty about their parents’ divorce – this burden must be lifted from the child. And, of course, the father should never be defamed in the eyes of the child – let them build their relationship on their own, it is very important.
Perhaps someone who has not succeeded in becoming your husband forever can at least become a good mate?